Someone’s been knotty.
A mysterious blade-wielding hacker is on the loose in Queens after slicing up two healthy trees in what city officials have ominously dubbed an “apparent attempted arboricide,” The Post has learned.
The two victims stand next to one another on a quiet Ridgewood street — leaving outraged neighbors hungry for justice.
“Whoever is doing this just wants attention and they’re a f–king idiot. I would like, if we could, to catch who it is. I would love to see that,” said Joseph Hernandez, 42, who was “shocked” to discover such carnage could have taken place across from his familial home.
The disturbing act was discovered earlier this week during a routine annual inspection of the foliage along St. Johns Road in Ridgewood — which has a history of anti-tree attacks.
The trees — a hulking Pine oak and a much slimmer Japanese pagoda — had each suffered a single deep slash that ran several inches deep.
The crude cuts ran about half the circumference of the oak, but ran the entire trunk of the pagoda, which outraged neighbors said was a relatively new addition to the block.
“It looks like it was maybe a chainsaw or something,” speculated Hernandez.
“It is like a straight slash and it’s deep. This is deep. It’s not just like you can’t do this with a knife. You’ve got to have heavy machinery to do something like that. And it’s got to be loud. I don’t think you could do that type of damage with a machete.”
“This is what provides us with the way of living, it’s stuff we exchange oxygen with. You know, so it’s like, why?” seethed Hernandez, a middle school math teacher and dad of two.
His wife, Jennifer Castro, was equally disheartened to see the damage both trees sustained — and expressed shock that the tiny pagoda, with just a diameter of 23 inches, was still standing.
“What’s the purpose? I mean, you destroy the tree or that tree, and what do you get out of it? What’s the actual purpose of you destroying the tree?” the 45-year-old Department of Education school social worker said.
The trees, which stand next to each other on the south side of the road, are just two of eight on the narrow block. The Pine oak is especially beloved in the Hernandez household since they moved into their home 17 years ago.
“This has always been here — it’s one of the biggest trees in the block. I like how they show the age of the block and the community. It shows it’s lasted time and generations,” Hernandez continued.
The couple couldn’t recall when the gnarly gashes first appeared on the trees, but believe that the oak was targeted first and then the bushwacker came back for more.
The couple called on authorities to nab the tree slasher.
“Number one, you’re not only doing harm to the trees — I have kids, I have twins. I don’t want my kids seeing people slashing trees and doing harm to the environment and stuff — like what are they learning?” said Hernandez.
Fellow St. Johns Road resident Stephanie Sarmiento, 34, theorized the culprit is living among the outraged neighbors — and may have been trying to expedite a tree removal process.
The pair of trees are healthy, according to city data — meaning they would not be removed unless they were otherwise damaged.
“If they feel like the tree is harming the pavement or their house, they should call 311, just like I did. I don’t harm my trees,” Sarmiento, a city Health Department worker, said.
“You need to catch whoever is damaging the trees. It’s horrible.”
Fortunately, the Parks Department is already on the hunt for the culprit for the crime of “apparent attempted arboricide.”
“Wanted” signs have been hung on the sappy victims, imploring the public to turn over information regarding the culprit, with each reading: “This tree has been harmed and we need your help.”
According to Daniel Kurzyna, the chief of staff for local Councilmember Bob Holden, the incident is not the first to plague the neighborhood — just a few years earlier a man was fined for hacking evergreens with a machete.
Killing or damaging a city-owned tree is considered a serious offense, and is punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and/or up to 90 days behind bars.
“Our street trees are living and breathing parts of our communities, and a critical piece of green infrastructure in New York City,” Benjamin Osborne, the Parks Department’s Assistant Commissioner of Forestry and Horticulture, told The Post.
“Protecting our urban forest is the responsibility of all New Yorkers.”