Three modest proposals to free us from the semi-annual clock-change madness.
Hello, darkness, my old enemy.
We switched from daylight saving to daylight craving time two weeks ago, making many of us unhappy.
We’re entering the Great Darkness: a bleak period from No-vember through early March when Montrealers feel like moles.
We return from work in the dark, dine in the dark, sleep in the dark and gradually get SAD, MAD and BLAH-ed.
But fear not, Quebecers, there’s hope for a brighter day!
But the survey’s other question is a killer: Should we switch to permanent daylight time and light up the night (YAY!). Or switch to permanent standard time (NO!) and drag ourselves into gloom?
Full disclosure: I am a lifetime night owl. On most issues I’m a reasonable and moderate person, but when it comes to locking the clock, I am a fanatic.
I believe dawn was a great time to get up early and hunt for your breakfast — until they invented supermarkets.
But today, dawn serves little useful purpose for anyone but bird-watchers, farmers, fishermen and other morning extremists.
So why set our clocks back in winter to favour dawn, while robbing us of afternoon, after-work light?
So we just keep on changing the clocks.
Someone must lead the way and drag everyone into the light, so why not Quebec? How? Here are my modest proposals:
Scenario 1: If Quebecers opt for permanent daylight time in the survey, we should quickly declare our province a separate, sovereign and independent time zone, distinct from the rest of the continent.
We wouldn’t be the first to change unilaterally. Several countries have already separated from standard time including Argentina, Belarus, Iceland and Kyrgyzstan.
And if Kyrgyzstan can, can’t we?
Who knows, perhaps we’d break the logjam so Ontario, then New York, then New Jersey and others would follow in a domino effect — until even Washington saw the Quebec light!
If not, it wouldn’t be that complicated to make the switch on our own, would it?
When you enter Quebec from Ontario in winter at 2:15 p.m. Toronto time, it would become an hour later — 3:15 p.m. Or maybe it would fall back to 1:15. I get confused by the clock-switching sometimes. I’ll have to check the details.
I know Quebec early birds might disagree with my time zone independence scheme. But those who did could always opt for partition.
For instance, I’ve noticed east-end Montreal bars and restaurants often stay open till 2 a.m., while west-end ones usually shut by 10, or latest 12.
So perhaps eastern Montreal could vote for permanent daylight time and western Montreal could opt out and stay on standard time.
We could have two separate time solitudes, fitting for Quebec. What could be easier? We’d just have to change our watches every time we cross St-Laurent Blvd.
Scenario 2: If Quebecers answer the government’s survey by choosing permanent standard (darkness) time, I and other night owls may have to take our own independent action.
If necessary, we night owls could opt out and join him.
In today’s technological age, everyone already has their own personalized phones that control their own music selections, social media feeds, and TV platforms.
Why not have our own personal time zones too?
What could be easier? When I arranged to meet friends somewhere I’d just say: “OK, see you all at 9 p.m. Ellen time, 7 p.m. Jason time, and 4 p.m. Josh time (JST)”.
Frankly, given a choice I’d live on Vancouver time — triple reverse daylight time. But that might create problems with my wife, an earlier riser who often lives on Newfoundland time.
Also, I’m not sure I can get Air Canada to schedule my flights on JST, instead of EST.
Anyway, these are just minor details in my plan we can iron out later.
Scenario 3: If all else fails, and there’s a standoff between daylight time forces and their standard time enemies, I’m open to compromise.
We can split the difference and move the clocks ahead permanently — by half an hour.
Sure this is a crazy solution, like all my other time-zone scenarios.
But they’re really no crazier than what we just did: move our clocks backward fighting the light, just when we really need more.