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Brace yourself, America: The British are coming.
And not any old Brits. Not the nice ones who will ask for Earl Grey tea instead of coffee and say “Gosh!” when they see your skyscrapers.
No, the smuggest, most maddening of my countrymen are on their way.
Our most insufferable blowhards are crossing the pond to pester and badger the free men and women of the United States.
It’s an invasion of the snobs. They’re probably giving their index fingers a workout as we speak, all the better to wag them in your faces as they berate you for your “stupidity.”
Yes, scores of activists from Britain’s ruling Labour party have arrived on US soil to campaign for Kamala Harris.
In a now-deleted post on LinkedIn, Labour’s head of operations, Sofia Patel, gloated that 100 current and former party staff are going Stateside to help Harris get to the White House.
And she still had “10 spots available,” she said, for anyone willing to go to North Carolina to do the Dems’ bidding.
It’s a delicious vision — posh, pronoun-declaring, knee-taking leftists from the old colonial power trying to swing the hearts and minds of the hard-working folk of North Carolina.
They will swarm other swing states, too. Because that’s just what your election was lacking: turbo-smug outsiders with names like Arabella and Jolyon telling you the world will be doomed if you do something dumb like vote for Donald Trump.
The news of this imminent arrival of an infantry of the woke has caused a storm. As well it might.
It is “blatant foreign interference” in our election, thundered Trump.
What’s more, it’s foreign interference from Britain, the country that once had its colonial boot on America’s neck.
No wonder Susie Wiles, co-manager of the Trump-Vance campaign, is in a revolutionary mood.
Americans will reject the overtures of these meddling lefty Brits, she said, just as they rejected “the oppression of big government” back in 1776.
You tell ’em.
Keir Starmer, our Labour prime minister, says it’s a fuss about nothing.
When the Trump campaign filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission, demanding an “immediate investigation” of Labour’s antics, Sir Keir pleaded for calm.
The Labour activists campaigning for Kamala are “doing it in their spare time,” he said. They’re not being paid by Labour, so it’s fine.
Is it, though? It remains to be seen if the FEC thinks the Kamala camp crossed a line by welcoming the Labour luvvies.
But it is unquestionable that the arrival of these plummy Kamala cheerleaders is an invasion of sorts.
Take it from me, someone who’s rubbed shoulders with many Labour folk over the years: These people are spectacularly snooty about Americans. Especially Americans who support Trump.
They view Trump voters as a moronic mass, dim plebs whose brains have been turned to mush by too much Fox News.
As for Trump himself — they say the maddest things about him.
David Lammy, now Starmer’s foreign secretary, once branded Trump a “neo-Nazi-sympathizing sociopath.”
He made this unhinged slur in 2018, two years after Trump had been voted into the White House by 63 million Americans.
This is what Labour’s top dogs think of Trump voters: that they’re such dunces, they will witlessly put a “new Hitler” in power.
Then there’s Sadiq Khan, Labour’s pipsqueak woke mayor of London.
The language Trump uses to rally his supporters is reminiscent of “the fascists of the 20th century,” he once moaned.
These people really do view Trump supporters as lemmings marshaled this way and that by their demagogic orange overlord. It drips with condescension.
Trump gives as good as gets, of course.
After yet more badmouthing from Khan in 2019, Trump branded him a “stone cold loser” and said he’s just like the “incompetent” former New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, “only half his height.” Oh, snap.
If anything, Labour’s grassroots activists are even more sneering than the likes of Lammy and Khan.
They’re a kind of woke aristocracy, always looking down their noses at idiot Brits who voted for Brexit and dense Yanks who love Trump.
Like the old colonial rulers, they view Americans as too dumb to run their own affairs. Apparently you need to be enlightened by blue-haired Oxford grads from overseas.
The good news is you don’t need a revolution to see off these British irritants. Just ask them: “What is a woman?”
Seriously, this question is Kryptonite to the woke weirdos of the new left who think there are 72 genders, and that you can have a penis and be a woman.
I asked it of every Labour activist who knocked on my door during our general election in July. And all were reduced to gibbering wrecks.
So, swing-state voters, no need to dust off your muskets to expel the invading Brits — just blind them with science.
Brendan O’Neill is chief political writer for the British online magazine spiked.