I covered my empty wine glass as the Italian waitress made her rounds, a bottle of Chianti in hand. “I’m not drinking right now,” I said, even though I was on my honeymoon in Tuscany.
Earlier this year, I decided to take a break from alcohol, which also happened to be around the same time my husband and I booked our honeymoon in Italy. I hadn’t expected my decision to be longlasting. I thought I’d be back to imbibing by the time I went on my trip, but three months of sobriety quickly became six.
It felt strange to board the plane for my vacation without pregaming at the airport with my usual Grey Goose dirty martini and just as weird to not have a glass of red wine with pasta, but doing so ended up enhancing my trip and confirmed that my decision to stop drinking was a good one. Without alcohol, I slept great, lost a few pounds and felt less anxious. I suddenly had more time in my day to write, take yoga classes and read novels — things I loved to do but struggled to fit into my schedule. Before I knew it, I had decided to go a year without alcohol.
I’m not alone in my decision to cut back. Studies show that adults under 35 are drinking less than they have in prior decades and a growing number of Americans are sober curious. It’s always tough to stay sober, and it becomes even more of a challenge during this time of year, when there’s a joyful feeling in the air and practically everyone around you is raising a glass to celebrate.
Having a drink might feel good in the short-term, but the long-term effects of alcohol can often be damaging, according to Brianda Gonzalez, founder and CEO of The New Bar, a Los Angeles-based retailer of nonalcoholic beverages.
“You never regret doing the right thing for yourself, but it’s often so much easier to do the thing that won’t feel so good tomorrow,” she said.
This is especially true during the holidays.
“Alcohol has been around forever, and we’ve been taught to appreciate it as almost an essential or a given that it’s going to be part of any celebration,” she said.
I almost caved plenty of times the first month of sobriety, but it became a little easier when I built new routines into my schedule: happy-hour hikes and ice cream in lieu of nightcaps. I even called my local cocktail bar and asked them to make me a bottle of mocktails to-go. That said, one thing I couldn’t ever figure out was how to celebrate an occasion — whether a holiday party, family get-together or wedding without alcohol. How does one feel festive without Champagne? I consulted experts for tips.
1. Experiment with alcohol substitutes
First and foremost, get creative, says Gonzalez. Using fresh, seasonal ingredients can transform a nonalcoholic drink from a self-imposed alternative into something that feels special, whether it’s a persimmon gin fizz or a spiced whiskey sour. Giving your drink a beautiful garnish and serving it in a fancy glass also helps. By enhancing the sensory experience, you can mimic the pleasure that comes with having a drink and replicate the sophistication of a craft cocktail.
On the sparkling nonalcoholic front, Gonzalez recommends Prima Pavé Blanc de Blanc, a nonalcoholic wine produced in northeastern Italy, and French Bloom’s La Cuvee, which “feels really, really elevated and special for a super celebratory moment,” she said. “It tastes like a vintage Champagne.”
It’s no longer uncommon to see mocktails on the menu at your favorite restaurant or bar. In Irvine, Solstice seasonally switches up its mocktail list every three months and flavors drinks with house-made shrubs and syrups. If it’s glamour you’re after, check out the Wolves downtown, which offers affordable cocktails on par with the real thing under a historic domed stained glass ceiling. For more spirit-free retail locations, check out Soft Spirits in Silver Lake, which has an adaptogenic section and sells a Spritz Italiano from L.A.-based De Soi (co-founded by Katy Perry and Morgan McLachlan).
2. Set boundaries and stay active
The holidays are a tough time for both the sober among us and those who want to drink less, said Ann Dowsett Johnston, a psychotherapist specializing in addiction. She recommends arriving at a party with your own nonalcoholic beverage and giving yourself permission to leave the party early and get a good night’s sleep.
“As soon as people start repeating themselves or slurring, you are going to want to go home,” Johnston said.
Another tip: Plan activities that don’t revolve around sitting and drinking, like going for a hike or checking out a new museum.
“I think that can be a really helpful way to have a more balanced holiday season while still feeling like you’re celebrating and participating in things that bring you joy,” Gonzalez said.
When I was in Tuscany, my husband and I went on misty afternoon walks through olive orchards and got out our birding apps to identify the European robins chattering in the background. We sipped post-lunch cappuccinos in small Tuscan towns, read the books that we never had the time to finish and had a few good laughs using Google Translate to order meals in Italian. In Rome, I woke up with enough energy to walk six miles, from the Piazza Navona to the Roman Forum. And given that it was our honeymoon, it’s worth mentioning that sober sex is way better than the drunken version.
3. Resist FOMO
Even with the clear benefits that came from being sober on my honeymoon, I still felt like I was missing out on something come dinnertime, surrounded by wine bottles on every table and laughter echoing off all corners of the room. That’s a common feeling, Johnston said.
“I think often when we give up drinking, we go into scarcity mode,” said Johnston, who’s been sober for 16 years and wrote about her experience in her 2013 book “Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol.”
She suggested writing a gratitude list of five things you’re thankful for every morning. It might sound quaint, but it works. Sobriety is always one of the things I’m thankful for when I journal every morning. Whenever I’m feeling the temptation to drink, I think about having to face myself on the page. I know that I won’t ever regret not having a drink. Sobriety brings the certainty I need in my life right now.
4. Give yourself credit — and grace
I’ve tried plenty of mocktails, but what comes closest to that celebratory feeling for me is hitting the 28th day of the month — my sobriety marker. Every time the date rolls around, it feels like a celebration. Strangely, it often arrives when I’d normally be celebrating with alcohol: my birthday, a writing retreat with friends, even my honeymoon. Seeing that date in my journal and writing that I’ve made it another month feels miles better than popping the cork off a bottle of Dom Perignon.
That said, if you’re trying to be sober but slip up and have a drink, don’t beat yourself up. Just try again. In previous years, I couldn’t complete Dry January, but for some reason, I’ve been able to stay sober this time around.
“You get to start fresh every day, and you’re developing a muscle,” Johnston said. If you’re counting your drinks and measuring each five-ounce glass of wine, you’re still drinking mindfully.
This holiday season, I’m planning to see friends and family, even though alcohol will be at the table, too. I know I’ll probably feel the same way I did in Italy — as if I’m missing out on something — but I also know that the feeling will pass. By the time New Year’s Eve rolls around, I’ll get to write in my journal that I haven’t had a drink in nine months. And that feels like something worth celebrating, bubbly drink or not.
Betsy Vereckey’s’ debut memoir is forthcoming next fall from Rootstock Publishing. She lives in Vermont with her husband and four boisterous terriers.