I’m hearing from teachers who say that kids are getting more disrespectful. Is that for real? What’s the evidence?
As recently as 2018, 72% of teachers said that the stress of the job was worth it.
But in a June survey by the Rand Corporation, only 42% of teachers said that the stress of the job is still worth it.
The most common complaint now reported by teachers is not low pay, or nasty parents, or difficult school administrators, but students: rude, out-of-control, disrespectful students.
Over the past 23 years, I have visited more than 500 schools.
In recent years, I’m hearing more stories of kids who are actually attacking their teachers. And as a family doctor, I am encountering those stories firsthand.
Take one of my own patients, a teacher attacked by one of her own students for asking him to return to class from recess.
“Time’s up! Time to go back in!” she announced after multiple warnings. Suddenly, the student attacked her, grabbing and biting her left forearm.
It was a deep, tearing bite, leaving a gaping wound. I know, because I cleansed and sewed up the wound.
No disciplinary action of any kind was taken against the boy, neither after this episode nor after any of the other similar previous episodes.
“He can’t help it, he’s on the [autism] spectrum,” the parents say, and the school does nothing. This teacher is not even persuaded that this boy is truly on the autism spectrum. She thinks he enjoys inflicting pain on others.
Nikki Hertzler, a teacher with 18 years of classroom experience, told me, “Teachers are quitting because of poorly behaved, disrespectful children. In the past, those children were the exception and we could deal with one or two. Now, at least half the class is disrespectful and they also see no purpose to being in school.”
Where is the disrespect coming from? What can parents and teachers do about it? And why has it gotten so much worse, just in the last few years?
Those are some of the questions I try to answer in the new edition of my book “The Collapse of Parenting,” just published Oct. 1.
American popular culture, the culture experienced by American children and teens, the culture they get from the most popular songs, the culture they get on TikTok, has rapidly become a culture of disrespect.
Lil Nas X enjoyed a huge hit with his song “Old Town Road,” which stayed at #1 on the Billboard Top 100 for 12 consecutive weeks.
In his song, Lil Nas X sang, “You can’t tell me nothin’ / Can’t nobody tell me nothin’.”
That sums up what I mean by the culture of disrespect. If you can’t tell me nothin, why go to school? Why listen to the teacher?
In his new book “What This Comedian Said Will Shock You,” Bill Maher observes that young people are beautiful, but stupid. Old people are ugly, but more likely to be wise.
If that’s true, then it follows that successful cultures will teach young people to listen to the older people, so that the beautiful young people can learn from the wise old people.
And we used to do that. But we no longer do. You can’t tell me nothin’ / Can’t nobody tell me nothin’.
I lead a workshop for schools called “Building a culture of respect.” I am happy to report that it really works. We create color-coded teams so that it becomes cool for a boy to be a gentleman and a scholar.
I can share great stories of boys on Blue Team and Green Team and Black Team who love football and video games who have also come to love Emily Dickinson and spelling bees, who get a buzz out of winning for their team. It can be done.
And it doesn’t cost anything. But it does require courage on the part of teachers, parents and school leaders. It requires the grown-ups, especially the parents, to turn off the screens and shut down TikTok.
Kids are not born knowing what makes Shakespeare and Beethoven great. They have to be taught. They can be taught.
Teachers want to teach. But teachers can, understandably, become discouraged, when they are confronted day after day with defiant students who go unpunished for their rude behavior.
It’s not too late to turn things around, and some schools are succeeding. I hope that more will join the crusade.
Leonard Sax MD PhD is a family doctor, PhD psychologist, and the author of The Collapse of Parenting, whose second edition was just published by Basic Books.