Welcome back to How I Parent, where each week we take a look at how the nation is raising our kids.
This week we speak to blogger and mum-of-one Fay Holmes, 31, from Bedfordshire, about her ‘crunchy’ style of parenting.
In TikTok parlance, a ‘crunchy mum’ is one who embraces the natural, holistic side of life: think low waste, organic food and homeopathic remedies.
Some even practice more controversial parenting techniques, such as ‘elimination communication’ (potty training from birth) or ‘flexi-schooling’ (blending homeschooling with standard school).
Crunchy parenting exists on a spectrum – and the movement has come under fire for spreading extreme, anti-science views.
For Fay however, being a crunchy parent means, as she describes it, ‘reducing toxins’ in every aspect of her family’s life.
This is world’s away from the city life Fay once lived. She says: ‘I used to live in London and work as a beauty PR – life was very fast-paced. I’d be rushing around, working and seeing friends, and eating processed food. I didn’t feel very healthy.
‘It wasn’t until Covid-19 hit and we had time at home that I started to think about my life.
‘With my husband Arthur, now 34, I moved out of the city and to a house with a garden.’
Then, a health scare changed her mindset even further.
‘I started experiencing gallbladder pain,’ Fay explains. ‘It was excruciating and all doctors could do was put me on an eight-week waiting list for an ultrasound scan.
‘I was in pain every day so I started doing my own research online, from blogs and Instagram, and then I spoke to an independent nutritionist.
‘She suggested I was taking in an abundance of toxins, which were affecting my liver. I started to look at things around me with toxins in, including fragrance, hand and body wash, washing detergent – almost everything we put on our skin. It was very overwhelming.’
The crunchy community often references toxins and living a ‘non-toxic’ life. However, as GP, Dr Philippa Kaye explains, this messaging is quite vague.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘The definition of a toxin is a substance that’s poisonous in some way. I could make water toxic by giving you so much that you dilute all the salts in your body. Everything has the potential to be a toxin.’
‘Toxins in this situation seem very vague, described in a way that seem aimed at causing fear. But your body is very clever: you have a liver, kidneys, skin, a bowel and lungs: all of these have a role in de-toxing and will get rid of the things that are harmful to your body,’ Dr Kaye continues.
‘That being said, am I telling you to gleefully go and smoke? No, of course not. But there’s a very big difference between the damage that can be caused by an industrial strength chemical, and your kitchen cleaner.’
After Fay visited the nutritionist, she began to change her lifestyle to a more holistic one, favouring natural products over those which included chemicals or manmade fibres. This ramped up even further when she became pregnant.
She says: ‘I searched for even more ways to be healthier. I had to change almost everything I used, but it was worth it for my health and the baby’s health.
‘Sometimes I would buy low toxin detergent, but it was expensive so I started making my own.
‘I also started trying to buy meat from the source – meat from local farmers was expensive, but it was better quality and more nourishing.
‘I also stopped wearing perfume in case it harmed the baby growing inside me and I didn’t want to eat processed food or take painkillers either, because I was worried about the side effects. This is when the ‘crunchy’ lifestyle really opened up for me.’
Fay, who tries not share photos of her son’s face online because she worries about internet predators, says: ‘When Michael* was born he had eczema, and I was worried I had caused this because I hadn’t been consuming too much dairy and probiotic-rich foods during pregnancy.
‘I didn’t want to resort to steroid creams for him because I was worried about the withdrawal. So after research, I realised I needed to help his gut first by steering clear of as many toxins as possible.
‘I started with anything that touched his skin and discovered nappies, cream and wipes which were low-toxin.
‘We didn’t use reusable nappies, although I would try them in the future, but we found ones which used natural materials such as bamboo.’
Fay also focuses on ensuring the family’s diet is as healthy as possible.
‘I follow the GAPS diet, which concentrates on foods like sauerkraut, bone broth, meat stock and kefir,’ she says. ‘When I was breastfeeding, it really made a difference to Michael, and when he started to wean, we didn’t follow the usual carrot or broccoli puree route, instead he would have bone broth. And he loved it!’
What is the GAPS diet?
GAPS stands for Gut and Psychology Syndrome, which describes the link between the digestive system and the brain. It’s based on the claim that many health conditions (including autoimmune diseases, Crohn’s, IBS, autism and schizophrenia) are linked to an unhealthy gut, specifically a ‘leaky gut’.
It’s important to note that a leaky gut is not a currently recognised as medical diagnosis, but the theory is that it occurs when there are ‘holes’ in the intestinal lining, a sort of barrier, which causes undigested food and toxins to seep out in the body, causing digestive issues.
On the diet, around 85% of the food consumed should be from meat, fish, broth, eggs, fermented foods and vegetables. It’s recommended you follow the full GAPS diet for 18 months to two years, before adding in more foods: stock, shellfish, fruit, nuts, seeds, garlic and olive oil. The diet is extremely restrictive, and most evidence to suggest that GAPS works is anecdotal, rather than from peer-reviewed, scientific studies.
Source: EatingWell
As Michael, now two, gets older, Fay tries to restrict the amount of processed sugar he eats, which she admits is difficult when surrounded by processed baby foods or snacks.
She says: ‘Because he is used to other children having snacks at toddler group, I will leave a biscuit on his plate; I don’t want to take it away from him.
‘However I am really proud that he isn’t interested in these foods generally and will prefer eating something more nutritious.
‘For example, for breakfast, he would have pasture-raised eggs, sardines or sausages with homemade sauerkraut, slices of raw cheese or olives and fruit.
‘For other meals, he has the same as us – we tend to make beef or lamb stews with root vegetables, mashed potato, lots of butter, cream and egg yolk mashed in. We’ll have veg with it, broccoli or green beans.
‘For snacks, I make sourdough crackers, and offer Michael fruit and yoghurt mixed with fresh berries and raw honey.
‘And I still make things like banana bread, just using raw, unprocessed sugar.’
Fay adds that she also gives Michael raw milk. Raw, or unpasteurised milk, has not undergone pasteurisation – a heat treatment process which kills bacteria and prevents food poisoning. The NHS does not recommend giving raw, or unpasteurised milk, to babies.
Their website reads: ‘Children, people who are unwell, pregnant women and older people are particularly vulnerable to food poisoning. They should not have unpasteurised milk or cream and some dairy products made with unpasteurised milk.’
‘Natural doesn’t mean safer’, says GP
Dr Philippa Kaye, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘When it comes to food, “natural” doesn’t necessarily mean safer. And besides, eating is not just about fuel. It’s also about joy and social connection – and those things are incredibly important too.
‘We shouldn’t judge any parent for doing what they believe is best for their child – and we have to remember that not everyone has the same means.
‘We are always learning and researching, but at the moment I would simply try to eat healthily and move your body – look after it, so it can look after you.’
But Fay believes her lifestyle has improved Michael’s health, saying: ‘When he had chickenpox he only had it for around four days and he no longer has eczema. And when he is ill, I try and treat him myself.’
Where possible, Fay uses homeopathic medicine, bottles of different natural substances such as arnica – although she’s keen to point out she would turn to medics if needed.
She says: ‘My kit contains 30 or so bottles, which all help for different symptoms. It’s the first thing I will use, instead of reaching for the Calpol or something.
‘For example, if Michael fell and bumped his head then I’d give him arnica to treat the bruising. However if I felt he needed it, I’d of course take him to the hospital.
‘Medicine has a place and when it’s needed, it should be used. I would not ignore symptoms which I couldn’t control, but likewise I won’t reach for the medicine bottle straight away. It’s a mix.
‘If he was clearly in pain or hurting, and I felt a natural remedy was not the answer, then I would immediately seek medical attention.’
When it comes to Michael starting school, Fay says she’ll consider using a combination of home-schooling and standard school.
‘Children are young for such a short time,’ she says. ‘Why would I not want him at home with me?’
Although Fay’s husband Arthur is supportive, he had to be convinced to swap to a natural mattress.
‘I had to persuade Arthur it was the right decision, because it was much more expensive, but I didn’t want to be sleeping on a mattress filled with toxins and sprayed with fire retardant spray, especially when we co-sleep with Michael,’ the mum says.
But even Fay admits there are some things beyond her control, commenting: ‘For example, I’m not worried about the impact of pollution – perhaps because I lived in London for 10 years.
‘I know there are a lot of things that are not considered low-tox that are just not worth worrying about. If we worried about everything, we wouldn’t leave our homes!
‘This is why I give Michael a good diet though, because I believe it’ll help his body to be resilient when faced with environments that could affect us.’
She also finds other crunchy mums on social media to swap ideas with. Through her social media account and website, she hopes to encourage others to build up a community of crunchy mums.
She says: ‘I’ve inspired some of my friends to make small changes to their lives too, even if it’s just to start making their own sourdough bread to cut down on processed food.
‘Start small and make small changes. I’ve met little judgement from others and I’d never judge another parent – parents need to do what works for them and their child.
‘On the face of it, crunchy parenting might seem like a lot (making my own bread and medicines, considering flexi-schooling, etc), but actually it’s all about doing the best I can for Michael. It all comes from a place of love.’
*Michael’s name has been changed
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