Welcome back to How I Parent, where we take a look at how the nation raises its kids.
This week we speak to mum-of-two and content creator Lyndsay Gardner, 38, who lives in Brighton with her wife V, 46, and their two children, Violet, seven, and Pearl, five.
After a bumpy ride to parenthood, Lyndsay rearranged her working life so she could be present for the girls, whenever she could be.
The couple hope to bring their children up with an open-minded view of the world and Lyndsay believes that above all, kindness is the most important quality to instill in her daughters.
Lyndsay says: ‘I met V in 2013 at work. We got together in December 2013 and two months later we went travelling, hiking around Peru.
‘Travelling brought us together and we had conversations quite early on about our intentions.
‘We both realised having children was something we wanted to do – but as two women it’s not such an easy conversation – it was more of a strategy meeting.
‘It meant the road was a lot longer, so we started talking about having a baby 18 months into our relationship, which was quite early, but I didn’t fall pregnant for another 18 months.
‘We did a couple of rounds of Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI) and that didn’t work. I couldn’t stand the heartbreak again, and all the expense for a little shot of joy, so we moved onto a round of IVF which worked first time.’
Violet was born in February 2017, weighing 6lbs 2oz. She was followed 17 months later by Pearl, weighing 6lbs 9oz, born during Brighton Pride in August 2018 and delivered by a midwife also in a same-sex relationship.
Lyndsay says: ‘It sounds like we are making it up, but it’s true.’
The couple shared the same values, and when it came to raising her children, Lyndsay was determined to be present for her children.
She says, ‘We had a lot of time to talk about parenting. We have always been on the same page when it came to values but nothing could have prepared me for how difficult and how relentless parenting is.
‘During maternity leave with Pearl, I worked on growing my own business so I could be at home all the time and could work around the children.
‘It’s very different from how I was raised, my mum and dad worked a lot and I was often with a childminder. That was the norm when I was growing up and it’s why I wanted to make a change.
‘I wanted to be there with the girls, even if it meant juggling my work and working at 1am in the morning, so I could be there for every sports day or school trip.
‘As a result, I would say we are really close, we are friends with the girls as well as parents. They’re like my little besties.
‘I want the girls to know they can always come and talk to us as they grow up into teenagers – again, I might not have felt like this growing up, and I’m aware the girls might not want to do this as teenagers!’
The couple teach good manners and emphasise being kind, above all else.
Lyndsay says, ‘We teach them about kindness and doing the right thing, telling the truth and being open and honest.
‘What I think about being in a same-sex family is that children aren’t born knowing that the convention is a dad and a mum, they just see what’s in front of them.
‘Around us we know lots of diverse families, those with one parent, or being raised by grandparents, and the girls’ friends aren’t bothered by V and me. Kids will only comment if someone has taught them these families aren’t valid.
‘One friend has asked Violet why she doesn’t have a dad, and she just replied that she has two mums. It’s very clear to them and I wish everyone could stay that pure.
‘The end goal would be for the world to be filled with all types of families and for no one to bat an eyelid.
‘I feel like it’s getting closer, but we live in Brighton and it’s very common here, plus the people are not judgmental. I am aware that if we go outside of our bubble or go on holiday abroad, not everywhere in the world would be this welcoming.
‘The girls are very young and haven’t asked questions yet, but when they do we will spell things out very honestly.’
After having two toddlers at home during the pandemic, when life returned to normal, Lyndsay began to declutter her home and much to her surprise, her content took off. Now she has more than 35,000 followers on Instagram and 16,000 on TikTok.
She says, ‘I didn’t think anybody would want to see me clearing out an old cupboard, but my decluttering videos became really popular.
‘Really I think it was a backlash against lockdown when the house was forgotten about and we were in the trenches of motherhood.
‘When the girls started going to school, it got much easier. On social media, I didn’t want to present an unrealistic picture of parenting, saying it was all great all the time, but I also didn’t want to terrify people into never having children. Instead, I showed our normal lives.
‘The decluttering was part of that and through it, I’ve taught the girls about giving to charity and how to help others.’
Lyndsay hopes that her girls will grow to share her open outlook on the world.
She says, ‘If they grow up to be kind people, accepting others for who they are no matter what, then we will have done our job well.’
Follow Lyndsay on instagram and TikTok @lyndsay.and.the.girls
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