Lauren Lighter’s friends and sister have raised nearly $500,000 so far by selling candles “that fight the darkness” surrounding mental health, to benefit the Douglas Mental Health Mobile Outreach Program and similar projects.
Lauren Lighter passed away far too young nearly a year ago. The death of the 33-year-old mother of twins Lucas and Layla, now eight, sent shock waves throughout her community of friends and family.
But that anguish has sparked a campaign of hope from Lighter’s best friends and her sister to honour her memory: they have been selling candles — a lot of them — “that fight the darkness” surrounding mental health.
Close to $500,000 has already been raised to benefit the Douglas Mental Health Mobile Outreach Program as well as similar projects, connecting mental health professionals with youth in need. With 100 per cent of proceeds from sales of the Lighter Candles, as they are being called, the group is aiming to raise $1 million for the cause.
“Lauren was the light of our lives, and she lit up the lives of so many others,” says her father, Lenny Lighter. “The candle initiative is just so appropriate. The way her best friends and sister decided to take action to do something so positive in Lauren’s memory is so touching.
“Lauren was such a compassionate soul and, most important, such an incredible mother. She was loved by so many.”
“Obviously, this has forever changed our lives,” Lighter says. “When people ask me how I’m managing, I say that I’m functioning well but that I’m badly broken.
“We are all dealing with our grief in our own ways, but we must also deal with our day-to-day life. If I had been asked before this happened how I would deal with this, I would have said that I don’t think I could have dealt with it. But reality is reality. We do what we have to do, and we all realized that we need to stay strong for our children, for our grandchildren and for each other.”
Alexandra Toulch, one of the orchestrators of the candle campaign, talks about how the sudden loss of her closest friend has so affected her life.
“It’s one of those life moments where in an instant everything forever changes,” says Toulch, 33, who spoke passionately at Lauren’s funeral last February. “In the days and months since that day, we have had to carry this horrible reality. This is hands down the most devastating thing I’ve ever had to go through, as it has been with all Lauren’s immediate family and friends.
“It was also a humbling kind of reminder about mental health issues. I grew up in a generation when this was once a casual term. That‘s changed. Unfortunately, with so much anxiety and depression, mental health crises have now become such a sad reality of the world we live in. This has opened my eyes to trying to understand the problem and do something. Our hearts are so in this.”
So Toulch, along with Lauren’s sister, Melani Lighter, and close friends Tory Morton and Sarah Kaplan, had the idea to turn their pain “into purpose at a very dark moment” by trying to raise money to help others in need.
They were in no mood to throw a big gala to achieve their goal. Instead, they wanted to do something different and memorable that would sustain Lauren’s legacy for years to come.
“We were thinking about the things that Lauren loved, and candles were right up there,” says Toulch, who runs her own creative ad agency. “There’s obviously irony in her name Lighter, but also shining light on darkness.”
The Lighter Candle is a set that comes in a magenta box — Lauren’s favourite colour — with a USB rechargable lighter. The candle, placed in a ceramic jar with a lightning bolt engraved on one side and “Lighter” on the other, is made of soy and beeswax, and is about five inches long and four inches wide. The inside flap reads: “Purpose fuels the fire … this luxury candle set is intentionally designed to fight darkness and bring light into your life.”
“Lauren was such a shining light into our lives,” Toulch says. “That’s why our hearts are so into this.”
On a brighter note, Lenny Lighter takes heart from the fact that he and his wife, Stephanie, became grandparents again three weeks ago. The baby girl has been named Blake Lauren.
“The wheel of life continues,” Lighter says. “We would like to believe that the baby was of Lauren’s doing.”